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2013, Black and White, Cafe, Daughter, Dry, Family, Father, Florida, Fun, Hats, Humour, New Year, Photography, Photoshoots, Portrait Photography, Relationships
Hello, this is Sir. Happy New Year, you say? More like Crappy New Year… Why so dismal and dreary, so deplorably dark? Well…life is not the easiest to live when it consists of a series of endless photo-shoots. Yes…living with a paparazzo protégé has its hardships…
First off…she picks out horrid outfits for me to wear, like I’m some kind of doll-like thing…I mean, look at this! The torment…and she has about 23,000 hats to put on my head. All to appease that dratted camera Eye clicking in my face, glazed over like that of a predator’s before the pounce…
Sometimes, I pretend to fall asleep and pray that when my eyes open again, she’ll have lost the camera….but I know it isn’t so, because I can hear the camera clicking incessantly the whole time I’m wishing in darkness
Even when I start to cry, she doesn’t get the hint… “Why Sir, you’d make a perfect Scrooge with those sideburns!” (they were HER idea, by the way, so was this ridiculous coat, and all these blasted hats) She continues, “Aye, arg, you look like you’ve strolled right out of a Dickens novel!”
“Brilliant!! You look just like a mobster, some horrid beast from ‘On the Waterfront’, ooo yes, work that gritty magic, fabulous! Woo work that aquiline nose, too perfect!” Is that supposed to be a compliment? Must gently remind her later she might not consider becoming a model-photographer…
“There’s the calculating, gritty and arid city-slicker, oooo what a glare! Yes! You look just like a hit-man!” More flamboyant flatteries flow forth…
Sometimes, she finally stops shoving her beloved in my face to take a photo of something a bit more practical. I get some relief to brood.
Sometimes, I can steal away whilst she’s busy falling into the river or something. Maybe even while she’s occasionally photographing something of interest…or something not so interesting…
Drat! The ambulating camera found me…”Oooo Sir, you have a Bogart look going there, I MUST capture it!” Another thing this camera-fanatic lacks whenever the “eye” is poised in hand, is decorum. See…car-fanatics or motorcycle enthusiasts or avid surfers still have a lot of time where they must be apart from their beloved darlings. They cannot tote their surf-boards, Corvettes, and Harley Davidsons everywhere they go- they can’t take them into the middle of the farmer’s market (hmm…some might try), to the theatre, or into a quaint little bistro or café for their dainty tea-time appointments. But the camera fanatic is different. She drags the thing everywhere with her like Linus and his blasted blue blanket. Her beloved is glued to her hands and poking in my face everywhere I turn…
And the hats….Here our demonette was photographing so avidly that some nice lady came prancing up and giggled into my ear, “You must be quite beautiful to have so many photos taken of you! Haw haw!!” Her husband, a huge hulking guy in a fleece jumper, was beet red. Then the lady kissed the hat…I don’t know how she could stand it, darn things reek of cigar ash. Where does Babs find these blooming hats, anyway, and how did she accumulate SO MANY of them?! Meanwhile, Husband looks like he’s gearing up to beat my face so hard the darn hat will go sailing clear across the room…
When she’s not having me break up marriages, Babs also likes to “pose” me around downtown, to do a “noir” shoot… “Brilliant, brilliant Sir!” she chimes at me all the time, “You look suave, perfect, so smooth, so noir!” I know what she’s really made me look like…a panhandler…
Or this guy. She’s not fooling me…
So, now a New Year is rolling in. I suspect 2013 is going to be filled with more and more of these “brilliant shoots” with Babs and her dratted pet camera…so, I’ll cry here in the blue light and think of days of old when she was only so high and gave me licked-dry doughnuts for a gift and thought it was funny to throw footballs in my face, call me a “bobo” and draw unflattering pictures of me- but did not OWN A BLASTED CAMERA! P.S. If any future prospective employers find these infamous photographs (that I know my tormentor will slap online with chop-slaking glee), the possibility of obtaining such job will become…toast…
A most content and deeply chuffed New Year to all, happy 2013 from a slightly disgruntled Sir and a wee smiling toad, Autumn Jade.
Cheers!
A Day in the Brine 
Brilliant! Loved it! Happy New Year!!
Oh thank you so much luv!! I had TOO much fun making this, har har, at poor Sir’s expense, but he does make such a lovely subject. A superb actor/model. Har har. And such a photogenic nose, I must say, redolent of a certain Mr. Holmes I say. Have a gorgeous New Year! You have already brightened mine with your groovy comment! Thank you for dripping by!
Autty Jade
Poor bloke 😀
Happy New Year 🙂
Haha, aye, poor man must endure a lot…was at it again this past evening, getting footage of “a wily mobster popping a cork”. I thought it was Brilliant. He was wearing a very fine striped tie this time. It was very delightful indeed. Thank you so much for oozing by and imbibing. Many smiling cheers as you enjoy the new year. Ta la,
Autumn Jade
Hmm, the imbibing has been fairly modest over the past few days 😀
😀 Hum, reminds me, I’ve not been by your blog in too long. I shall drift over now for some happy imbibing.
It probably looks the same as it did last time 😀
Happy New Year by the way..
Just as groovy, then. Excellent. A very merry New Year to you, too! 🙂
second the emotion of the first commenter…brilliant…sorry ‘sir’…I would hate it too…but someone must pose for the ‘lady Jade’…
I keep thinking that if I seem compassionate (later, after ruthless photo-snapping), reveal just a bit of sympathy- “Oh Sir, pobre cito, I am so sorry…but you looked so smashing, I so appreciate it” and then remind him to be thankful that it isn’t rugby or ice-hockey that I insist he engage in (although…that WOULD make an excellent photo-shoot…hum…), then he seems to melt a little and all is well once more. He’s too marvelous! Thank you for drizzling by and partaking of this wee adventure. Splendid New Years, cheers and grins,
Autumn Jade
I love the hat. You should always wear it. Babs is a fine Paparazzi, and you are the perfect model. 🙂 Happy new Year to you both.
Aloha love! Thank you for dripping by! Sir thanks you for your dashed wonderful comment and says he does (secretly, with shifting, avoidant eyes) love the hat collection that tends to migrate onto his head during photo-shoots and chilly nights.
I concur, I think he looks smashing in that hat, very classy and kind. And he really is the most tolerant model of a VERY demanding and obnoxious photo-snapper.
We both hope you and yours all enjoyed a very groovy and most majestic new year. Thank you for your darling comment. Hugs to you from Autumn and (secretly very flattered and smiling) Sir. 😉
This is insanely charming! The balance and distribution of pathos and storytelling in the text and images just fills me with glee.
Thank you so much! This post was far too fun to create, I was chortling the whole time, Sir grumbling in the backdrop, suspicious, “What is she up to NOW?? Probably plotting some horrid new misadventure for me to undergo…” I especially laughed at the scarf photo…Sir is just TOO funny, puts up with so much, always evokes smiles. I am elated you found it delightful. Now I cease my rambling, leave you with a “Happy New Year, aye, 2013, wooo!” and I thank you most ardently for drizzling by and sharing your thoughts. Brightens my night. Cheers,
Autumn Jade
Suggest , Steve you call your agent! Though , you do make fore good pitchers , so I recon you are trying to be temperamental model , 😉
Ken D ;)]
Thank you Mr. Ken D. Williams! Aye, Sir is TOO funny. We have so much fun with our Sir. So grateful you enjoyed this too.A chortling and chuffed New Year, dear friend, love and hugs,
Autumn Jade
Brilliant!
Aloha, thank you! I admit I was chortling away the whole time I put this together. I am a happy tormentor….;) Thank you for drifting in and having a wee glisk. Please, do come again.
Happy 2013, cheers,
Autumn Jade
What genius, what style- you simply remind me of a female version of myself…but I digest…I nearly peed myself with laughter! OK, just a wee trickle down a long lane of leg, but…what a glorious subject! (!!!! for adolescent readers). I love the Peter Sellers Inspector Clouseau shot- also thought of “Richard” from “Keeping Up Appearances” and a slightly more effeminate version of Bob Dylan- you could go with that. Gracious, what fun; truly inspiring prose.
My dear matie, I was unprepared for this. What a fabulous comment! My jaunty cap nearly flew off at my exuberant delight expressed to a room of startled cats. Ha ha, AYE I see Richard in Sir, especially in that hat too funny. He has a puttering manner about him, too, that reminds me so much of the poor man. In the car I’ll be Hyacinth and remind him to mind the bicyclist or when we’re out hiking and he’s lagging pitifully behind I’ll bugle in the “bucket woman’s” voice, “Come along Richard!” Sir calls back in a nasally milksoppy voice, “Coming Hyacinth…” Thank you for your champion comment, very entertaining! Sir is indeed very English. And thank you again for oozing by and imbibing. It has been a pleasure, indeed. Cheers,
Autty Jade
Happy new year to you too. I hope you may have a lot of hope, love and peace and al the beauty there is
Greetings, Summer
Aye, thank you so much, I am wishing the very same for you too!! May you find tremendous beauty all around- even through drear, there is beauty to behold, may you always feel it and see it throughout this wonderful new year. Many new adventures to be had, many grand moments of peace and tranquility to enjoy. Thank you so much for coming by. Best wishes and a very happy new year to you indeed. Cheers,
Autumn Jade
Thank you, this is so kind of you
Love and Peace, Summer
😀 Love and peace,
Autumn
This makes me smile broadly. : )
Happy New Year, Slightly Disgruntled Sir and always charming Autumn Jade! May it be wondrous.
Grinning away at the sight of your glorious comment, dear friend!! It has illuminated my first evening of the year. How I so love your photography and appreciate your comments. Too groovy indeed. Our Sir mutters a, “Oh my thank you ever so much, a beautiful New Year to you as well, I adore your photos that Autumn Jade has shown me, Superb!!” He hopes I cannot hear him 😉 Thank you so much. A most majestic and grand new year to you!
Cheers,
-Autumn Jade and a grumbling Sir with a glint of good cheer in his eye I would just love to snap a quick photo of right now! Hum…where’d the camera go??? That is peculiar…seems to be missing…
🙂
I hope you find it!
I suspect a certain individual has purloined it and is hoarding it somewhere…HUM…I wonder who that would be….???
This was hilarious, thank you for sharing.
I am so glad you found it a bit cheering. Adventures with my favourite aquiline-nosed model usually are very funny indeed. I had so much fun sharing it, thank you for sluicing by to imbibe. I am elated. P.S. Love your artwork and creativity, depicted in your blog. Looking forward to future posts. Enjoy the rest of the first week in 2013, cheers!
Autumn Jade
All the best for a happy and creative 2013 to you and yours!
Marie
Marie,
Thank you so much!! You too dear lassie. Have a gorgeous, wonderous new year, bustling with creativity and beauty all around. I SO look forward to more and more of your gorgeous photos! It is such a delight to visit your blog, always brightening my day and inspiring me.
Thank you for visiting. Sending love and best wishes to you and yours, happy 2013!
Autumn Jade
Happy New Year!!:-)
A most gruntling New Year to you as well! It has certainly begun as a very beautiful one here. What gorgeous weather, in the 70s during the day, 60s at night, and tossed sea with some lovely waves…TOO divine. I like the sight of 2013 rather immensely. Haha, I’d love it if were dreary, cold and dismal too. And I’m rambling.
Thank you for breezing by! Cheers,
Autumn Jade
Hey Autumn Jade, sounds SO very Divine indeed:-). Thank you! We are in touch. Glasha
There is something to the Inspector Clousteau, I think…and Happy Chuffy New Year, to you, too!
Haha, aye, I think so. As we were ambling along that night, I suddenly realised that we could do a shoot comparing Sir using Thome’s smarty phone (Thome was a poet that was present during the photo-shoot). I’m not very excellent with all this technology, but he is. He bleeped up the little shot off of Google-land immediately and the photo-snapping was fast underway.
Thank you! Hoping that you are enjoying your first week in 2013, I certainly am thrilled with it. And thank you for imbibing! Cheers, best New Year wishes,
Autumn Jade
Dearest Babs, I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! I just knew Sir was going to be as fabulous as you are!!! So much fun in this blog, both in the middle of you doing it, and on the outside with those of us reading it! Definitely Inspector C. I agree with Ken, Sir had better be calling his agent before the agents start calling him!!!! Brilliantly executed Babs and Sir. What a duo!!!! I’m afraid V would be agreeing with Sir at every move. If I could paste in a picture of him telling me not to post ANYTHING without his permission, you would howl. This should be up for the BEST POST of the YEAR 2013 AWARD! Love TCHG
Sir is just TOO TOO funny. I am so very gruntled and highly delighted that you liked zee post. Yes, I think you and Mr. Ken D. Williams are both correct, Sir should get right on that, or they shall be crashing through the door to get to him, any minute.
Hahaha chortling away like an exotic bird over V being the same way….I could just imagine Sir and V huddled in a corner, grumbling, hiding their faces as we come pummeling toward them with cameras poised, bugling at them to stop being whimps and turn around to strike a pose. 😉
Hahaha Sir says that all the time when I show him something I’ve written or a photo I’ve posted of him- “Did I give you permission to put that online??”
“Yes,” I reply, “You just said it, “I give you permission”
😉
You should have seen his face when I showed him this post, of which I did not consult him until it was already slapped online. Har har haw. It was too fabulous
Cheers and thank you for prancing by and leaving such a delectable comment, ta la,
Autty Jade
Hahaha Yes, I wish they could meet and commiserate. And we would tell them how lucky they have us to promote them worldwide to the blogger viewers everywhere!!! 🙂 Lots of love, Marsha Lee 🙂
Haha perhaps they will one day?? Sir plans to be interviewing out there in N. Cali area in the coming months. 😀 I’m hoping I can somehow manage to tag along XD SO MUCH to do oh bother these coming months, redolent of your blog entry, I have such a plan I’ve already been making progress with. Most important of course is to flop in cool ocean waters and let waves beat me as I snap photos and chortle, bashing into ospreys (I did that today, I don’t know where the bird of prey came barreling from, but suddenly his fish was literally flapping in my face, and I was splashed right in the eyes as the talons hurled the fish away and the osprey gave me a stern glance with his lemon eye. They are beginning to build a nest already, the local pair.) Anyhow, that was odd. And then I nearly collided with a surfacing cormorant. My gargoyle-esc friend was most startled and quickly disappeared after giving me a wee glisk of reproach with an azure eye this time. So many bird eyes…OH I nearly forgot, I also almost bashed into a low-flying pelican, within inches. I guess he didn’t see me. I could feel a gust of air rushing around his body as he grazed by. I bobbed almost into his bill. He swerved and wrenched his head around to, guess what?? Yes, to give me a stern look with a pale blue eye. Whoa…I did not know I disrupted the lives of so many species of birds in just a few hours. The night before Sir disrupted the life of a bald eagle, who was interested in the osprey nest. Sir made all this racket without thinking and the bald eagle lumbered away. We got very close. I’ve rambled HORRIBLY. Oh dear…. Anyhow, I think V and Sir might enjoy sharing stories of how much we torment, I mean, delight them, with our camera-toting, guffaw-bugling, and most adventurous natures. Cheers dear lass,
Autumn Jade
hahaha another post!!! I always enjoy them as I’m sure the other readers do. No one that I know has as many animal adventures as you do. You really are the real live Dr. Doolittle. 🙂 I’m sure Sir could write as many stories about you as you do about him – or more!!! And I’m sure they would be very enjoyable. Lots of love to you both, and I can’t wait till you come out and see me!!!! (I’m assuming that you will not WASTE a trip to California by forgetting to come down here to see me!!!) 🙂
You really are an eloquent and charming writer! Love your use of language and your poetic imagery!
Oh why thank you very much! Too grand! Thank you very much for oozing by, imbibing, and bequeathing such a wonderful and delightful comment. I am left highly gruntled and most honoured indeed. So glad it was enjoyed!! Ebullient, smiling cheers,
Autumn Jade
This is so funny! Sadly I did not read this post before giving my 12 yr old daughter a camera for Christmas and I have been captured in some most unflattering shots already. But I love her and will simply get used to it – like you obviously have done! I like the hat!
Blessings ~ Wendy
Your happy Sir has kindly commented in my latest post. I am so pleased that his joining my friend Autumn Jade in blogging has created a double bonus for me to read. Ralph xox
I thank ye kindly dear matie! Aye, so elated you are finding the company of our Sir most gruntling indeed. Aye, aye, I do adore his stories too, so happy you will be enjoying them as well. Many smiling cheers at that, indeed! An absolutely gamboling grand affair, too thrilling! Aye, Sir, you will find, is a very kindly soul, too. He is so much fun. I don’t know how he puts up with a shamrock-pocked imp like me. In fact, I may even slightly resemble a certain mischievous and scheming sprite, Flurry, from a show entitled “Irish R.M.” I don’t know if ye’ve heard of it. There are books of the things, too. Sir is nearly identical to the proper, somewhat naïve, gentle, very methodical R.M., getting cajoled, tricked, dragged into, and otherwise maneuvered into ungainly or unseemly, perhaps even slightly troubling, misadventures plotted out by certain wily leprechaunic parties. I can oh so relate. “Poor Sir” is my frequent suspiring of slight regret (a very brief and fleeting feeling at that) after having knotted him up into some atrocious affair or other, as I nibble on my unfused pipe and stomp off some flecks of mud from my boot, looking pensively to the perennial granite sky of dark, whirling, brooding cloud any proper Irish lass must always see, no matter what the weather truly is. Then I hop right along into the next scheme. I am a terrible fiend…I cannot help it…it seems to be in the nature. Oh bother…
Right, rambling. Thank you for receiving Sir so cordially. I am so grateful you are getting on so well. Wonderful.
Always a thrill to drizzle by your blog to imbibe, as well, dear chum. Looking forward to future blogging adventures. Ta la,
Autty Jade